Holmes Bridgers Ramsay

 Holmes Bridgers Ramsay

1946-2017

At some point in the last several years, Holmes Bridgers Ramsay added a quote attributed to Winston Churchill to her bedside table: "If you're going through hell, keep going." It was a fitting gesture for someone who had beaten cancer twice and done so with Churchillian resolve. It is a cruel irony that, after all that, it was pneumonia acquired during a knee replacement that felled her on August 25th at the age of 70.

Holmes never identified herself as a 'survivor', even though she epitomized the term in far more than just a medical sense. To do so would have gone against her personality - against her astonishing ability to take whatever hand life dealt, make the best of it no matter the cards, and immediately draw another (usually better) hand without comment or complaint. That grit allowed her to reinvent herself many times over: as a computer programmer in her 20s, a full-time mother in her 30s, a CPA in her 40s, the CFO of a small business in her 50s, a world traveler in her 60s, and a grandmother as she approached  her 70s.

Even as Holmes went through life's cycles, there were several aspects of her nature that never changed: a prodigious intellect, a meticulous approach to tasks large and small, an insatiable wanderlust, and, above all else, the boundless love and loyalty she had for her family. (It should be noted here that she counted friends - and her dogs - as family.)

She was whip smart from the day that she was born to Bobby and Mary Bridgers, but, like her father, her intellect never came across as over-bearing. Once, at a Pentagon Christmas party, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and his wife chatted with her at length because she was far more interesting than the cloying masses the two VIPs sought to avoid. Of course, that was one of her trademarks: upon first meeting, most people could and would talk to her as if they had known her their whole lives.

In her style and sensibilities, she was a true aesthete. Everyone felt at peace in whichever house or apartment she occupied, the result of her ability to assemble seemingly random items with stylish, under-stated aplomb. The warmth of her final home was magnified by the 100-plus photos of friends and family hidden in every nook and cranny. But her house was always more than just hers: guests stayed for days or weeks, and rare was the holiday meal that did not include straphangers in need of a surrogate family - which she was all too happy to provide. (Her best holiday dishes - beef tenderloin, oyster casserole, pecan pie - likely clogged arteries as much as they warmed hearts.)

Another constant in her life: the dogs who accompanied her from childhood to motherhood and finally to grandmotherhood. After she was married, she often fed chocolate ice cream to Lady Jane. Biscuit, whose ashes will be buried with her, helped her navigate the shoals of a treacherous divorce. And she is survived by Bailey, who did a far better job training her than she ever did training him (a fact she would surely admit, albeit grudgingly).

Despite her fastidious nature - she was a CPA, after all - like all members of the Bridgers clan, she had no small number of idiosyncrasies. She hated green peas - really, truly hated - but was obsessed with cannoli. She could ace any exam - but almost got kicked out of St. Catherine's boarding school for breaking various rules (to her chagrin, she passed the troublemaking gene on to her children). She never liked camping or roughing it in any sense of the term - but happily strapped on a backpack to tour Europe with her long-time partner Vince (in her 50s!).

She could procrastinate paying bills and taxes until the end of days, but when it came time to plan a trip, she did so months and even years in advance. Her voluminous research - historical, culinary, you name it - allowed her to act as a tour guide for whoever was lucky enough to accompany her. Often times that would be her sisters and sister-in-law, the Asheboro crew she grew up with, or her Wellesley College 'Pomeroy Posse' (classmates of Hillary Clinton…Holmes had two reunions at the White House).

Despite extensive travels the world over - among others, flying to Alaska in a turbo-prop with a friend in the pilot's seat (and emergency gear in the hold), a safari in Kenya, and even an ice-breaker in Antarctica - there was one place she loved more than any other: the family homestead at Wrightsville Beach.

It is fitting that her final trip, mere weeks before her passing, was to that house to be in the company of the loud, rambunctious family that survives her. This includes countless cousins; seven nieces and nephews (with the number of children in the successive generation currently growing like weeds); three siblings - Sue, Rob, and Haywood; three siblings-in-law - Jan, John, and Dave; daughter-in-law Cindy; three sons - Alston, Burke, and Jute; and granddaughter Linnea, whom, in her final hours, Holmes said she would miss dearly.

More so than anything else though, she was completely devoted to her three sons - and they in turn to her. The logic of the mind, and the words of the English language, fail utterly to describe the bond between them. Suffice it to say that a void has opened up in their lives that may never be filled.

As they all weather the storm - and weep for her passing - Holmes's friends and family cherish the memories. As anyone who has spent time at the beach will tell you, even the worst hurricane eventually gives way to blue skies.

Her memorial service will be held at Oakdale Cemetery in Wilmington, N.C., on September 9th at 2pm, where she will be buried beside her parents and grandparents. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to Wellesley College for financial aid (Wellesley College Office of Resources, Room 007; 106 Central Street; Wellesley, MA 02481; please reference "IMO Holmes Ramsay '69").

Pugh Funeral Home in Asheboro and Andrews Mortuary in Wilmington are serving the Ramsay family.  Please share remembrances and condolences at www.pughfuneralhome.com